Various Ways To Cement Your Marriage / Relationship.

Various Ways To Cement Your Marriage / Relationship.

There are no perfect people just as there is no perfect relationship or marriage – people just find a way to tolerate each other and make it work. The points in this piece are only a guide as what works for Team A may not work for Team B. However, they all present no harm but lead towards a happy home.

1 – The act of exchanging gifts - The value of what you are giving is not the exact point here but the motive, thought, remembrance and feeling behind it.  Guys – buying your woman a yam pounding machine is not a gift, you simply got her a machine to perform a household task where you are the sole benefactor. Ladies – leaving this act for your man as his responsibility is not cool, learn to exchange gifts. Buying him boxer shorts and vests at every occasion is already expected and no surprise here.

Now the real meaning of a gift in a marriage or relationship.The gift should convey the message “I love you” even when the words are not inscribed on it. Also, the gift should send a message reading “I understand you” and “I know you”. 

If you are well connected with your partner then you should not only be able to predict them but also know what they appreciate or like. 

Sometimes writing a short note with your original words and your non-legible handwriting could make your partner's day and dropping by their office to drop lunch or a pack of their favourite snack may be all they need to make the day a better day.

Never get so comfortable receiving and not giving, you are being recorded and it’s becoming a norm which in turn is coming back to bite you badly. Sharing helps you become more comfortable with each other not just as lovers but as friends.

2 – Day Sharing - Telling each other about how your day went will not only get you closer but also eliminate any form of assumption and serves as a reminder. If your Partner is aware of the day you had a flat tyre then she could remind you when you start having trouble to remember the day you last paid the rent.

No doubt we all value some privacy but let at least 80% of your daily activities be known and keep the rest to sing about in the shower when you are having your “me time”.

3 -   Fighting does not mean fight – It is very normal to have miss-understanding now and then but never say it all or act too extreme to hurt your partner out of anger. Just as you are angry so is your partner but one of you needs to be calm at that moment. Whatever you do while you are upset, now that’s who you are and you are responsible for all your actions. 

When the heat is on, please give space – especially if your partner is the loud type or you are actually guilty, walk away – one that helps you not to listen to those hurtful words, two that helps the one yelling to reduce the tempo too – I don’t know of any sane person that keep yelling non-stop alone for a whole day without sleeping it off.

Things are better understood and you both can speak better when you are both calm. Imagine a scenario where you are calling your partner “a bastard” “son of a bitch” out of anger – what exactly do you think they would say or do after that? Well, definitely not “thank you, I know right”. 

Get some fresh air from the heat and trust me you will reason better afterward and of course, the make-up sex is there waiting, so unbeatable lol.

4 -   Get it that people sometimes need to be alone -  Out of respect your partner may need time to be alone, it could be that you are being annoying at that time without realising it and they think it’s better to leave you alone for a while. There is no harm in that; your relationship is being protected. Kindly respect that, forcing them to stay or speak might now lead to a fight that wasn’t there initially and now you are confused but you asked for it.

Some people have spent so much time alone that it does take time to assimilate into that couple scene. The time required is never forever, live with it.

5 -   More sex and more sex - Sex is a major pillar of your marriage or relationship. Never stop having sex for one excuse or the other.  "I am so tired from work”, “I am having headache”, “My mouth is sore”, “You know I am working early”, “the kids are awake”, “no I can’t do this or I can’t do that”.

All these excuses are very dangerous signals that the union is about to crash. There is nothing like too much sex. 

Now you have created an avenue for your partner to seek for comfort elsewhere and whoever that outside person is. They only have one mission and that is to send you off! 

Under no circumstance must you withhold sex as a form of punishment. You are not doing yourself any favour as no one continue fighting after a having some hot sex.

Do not allow someone else pick up your responsibility and also be willing to try new things, spice up your sex life. Sexual boredom is a disaster.

6 – Technology and social media - No doubt that the advancement of technology has made life a lot easier for humans and this is applicable to all sectors of life. But it also comes with a price. People are not so concerned about their alter ego on social media that they forgot who they are really and miss out on realities around them. 

Know when to come alive from your “bimbo” and “macho” life on social media. We both understand that’s not your real person. Many are so into their social media life that it takes its toll on the relationship or marriage. You can’t be watching TV with your loved one and chatting away on WhatsApp or Facebook. Just as your virtual friends needs your attention, so does your partner. Don’t treasure people you don’t know to destroy what matters most to you. 

7 – Recognise the differences – When two people with different background attempt to build a home, their differences will eventually become an issue but it’s up to both parties to understand that the issues are to be understood and not to tear them apart.

She loves watching reality shows on TV and you can’t stand them, well I am sorry you must learn to live with it now. He is so much into football and follows his favourite team religiously, and you can’t stand footie, well you just found yourself a team to follow too.

He prefers to eat with his hands and lick his fingers, trying to change him into using cutlery even when at home is leading towards disaster. She talks so loud and not your thing, she didn’t just start this today – she comes as a package, both her beauty and her way of talking are a package – you can’t really cherry pick here.

Try as much as possible to understand each other’s background and journey. It is what makes you who you are and trying to change your partner into who you want hardly works out.

8 – Never have a public show of shame - It is hard sometimes when your partner gets extremely annoying, I understand but no matter what the situation is please do not raise your voice or hands on your partner in public (not ideal indoor either). You can always have your issues sorted at home but the public never forgets and the stigma is enough to ruin the most important thing you have ever built.

9 – Never allow the situation control you but be in control of the situation– Let’s take a man in perspective here. Every man irrespective of his age still has a boy inside him. A man never grows out of buying and using toys, only this time the toys are only more expensive. Women might have much more peace at home if they understand this part; men are built to always go after latest gadgets even when they don’t need it. Be prepared to have them flog off on eBay whenever he is done with it – simply see him as a child and have your palace in peace.

Tell a man to go dress up for the wedding you have been invited to as a couple while you run yourself a bath. Dude is ready in 10min wearing his Burberry shirt from the 90’s and his famous crocodile skin shoe he inherited from his dad. Come out, smile and have the man re-dressed.

Women are not left out with their own way of life, they will buy the same handbag in different colors and never use them, different colors, designs and labels of shoes and only go about with one shoe to work all week. Spend a huge amount of money to buy gold they only keep in their wardrobe. That’s just women for you – accept her as she is. She will spend 5hours to make her hair and only return with no much difference to when she left home – embrace her, as long as she is happy that’s all that matters.

10 -  Homework – As much as possible learn to assist your partner at home. You are partners and you both should act as one. If she is cooking, there is no harm in doing the dishes. He is attending to the garden please get busy with the laundry.

It is insane to be of the opinion that the kitchen is for women, she is doing the dishes, and making dinner while making list of groceries shopping and you are in the living room reading the newspaper and sipping wine – I am confused at your complaint that the dinner is late, you made your choice to eat late. If you have been helping you would be reading the newspaper and sipping wine together in each other’s arms already.

Again – what works for Team A may not work for Team B but design what works for you and stick to it. The grass is not always greener on the other side. 

Make your relationship/marriage work for you.