Why You Are Stagnant – The Remedies.

Why You Are Stagnant – The Remedies.

Fear – This enemy of progress lives in the mind and it’s also said to be the brain’s reaction to stimulus, as long as this fear finds a home in your mind then it controls every other part of your body, it finds its way into your head, raises the heart rate; and all these factors will work together to affect your thoughts, reactions, actions and speed.

As human, it is normal and fine to be afraid, especially when we are in an unknown terrain or out of our comfort zone. Our personal ability to quickly identify that fear as an enemy not to be embraced, and then discharging it instantly would determine the next path for us.

Many people are gifted with one talent or the other naturally but the fear in them is greater than the wall of Jericho, they have allowed that tiny fear to grow into a tumour and now they are being controlled by what they have allowed to grow out of hands. 

Imagine many people that we know as friends or family members that are good singers but they only sing to their mirror or when they are in the shower, they can sing nonstop with their sonorous voice and pleasant to the ears as long as they are alone in their own world but immediately anyone steps into their zone – oops, that’s the end of that. Many have buried their God-given talents as a result of this. They are sitting behind the desk somewhere and that’s not where they belong.

Learn to challenge and bury your fear, the first step is to identify that factor then counter it with determination to overcome it. Do not be in denial, if you know you can’t speak in public then practice and seek for help, no matter what your fear is, it’s not meant to be permanent but it would be if you do not challenge or discard it. Fear can be an easy route, which keeps in your zone, but without your knowledge, you are paying an irredeemable hefty price for it.

You have nothing to lose by challenging that fear but you have everything to lose by allowing it to grow in you – Challenge it and bury it, you are not related!

Chasing what is not yours – People of faith would say for every being, there is a laid down path and each human has a destiny assigned but due to the fact that it is impossible to see the future or foresee situations beforehand, we will embark on all sorts of goose chase, things that are nonexistence, unobtainable, inaccessible, impossible and irrelevant becomes our interest. We will spend a major part of our time chasing all these even when they are evidently not responding to our chase.

This could be a relationship, marriage, love, job, physical items or friendship. It is a two-way traffic, if you are not getting the vibes back then bounce back. Imagine a scenario where a man that is in love with his college first love who has moved on with her life but this man is here hoping that someday, just someday she would change her mind and reset their love – Well, the only thing coming back to say hello are her grandchildren with another man. Learn to move on, if it’s meant for you it won’t come with hardship package. Don’t lose what you have over what you desire, not all we desire is right for us or meant for us.

You do not require people’s approval to live, you do not need others’ to be happy, your life is not dependent on any other factors, you are a sole entity with life and you are responsible for that life. There is absolutely nothing wrong in chasing what you desire but identify when to stop that chase.

Lack of Consistency – In all sectors of life, as long as you desire development and growth, being consistent is an important pillar that must be incorporated into your chase. In any pursuit or race, if consistency is missing then a do-over and repeat is inevitable and if that ever happens then I am sorry you just found yourself in a loop and it would take an extra effort to get yourself out of it. 

To avoid this, you must have a plan with designed milestones, this plan must be created with timeframe and in batches – What do I need to do? With whom do I need to do this? For how long do I need to do this? What would this cost me? How would I get the finance? What would I do if anything goes wrong? Can I afford to fail at this? What are the risks involved? Break them in bits and aim to accomplish them as designed in your plan – stick to this plan!

In the quest to do better and be better, the human is designed to be competitive in nature and this has made us to attempt just about anything and in the process get distracted from our initial journey, even though we had some beliefs in that original journey when we started it with a destination in mind, we deviate easily whenever something unplanned or more attractive at that minute shows up.

In most cases, they are not usually as attractive as we thought  - because it was packaged to look that way by another being who has you as part of their own plan! So now that you parked your own journey to attempt someone else’s journey, you have successfully helped them conclude their own journey without your knowledge, you have lost time, energy and other resources with that little detour.

You tried business A, it didn’t work out – you dropped it, you tried business B, it didn’t work out – you dropped it, you tried business C, it didn’t work out – you dropped it. Can you see a pattern here? Those businesses are not the problem but yourself, now you have become some sort of “Master” that people seek opinion from on those businesses before embarking on them. To you, they are tapping from your experience but from their angle, they are only interested in identifying your mistakes and how to avoid them. It’s okay to fail but repeated failure is another story.

Being consistent in whatever you do is paramount and non-negotiable. Introduce some stability into your life in whatever capacity or sector then watch the changes, it is not a magic but just how it’s designed to be and it’s highly effective. The one making a regular and daily little income is on his way to development unlike the other one attempting everything and yet with no head way.

Wrong Crowd - There is a famous saying that goes “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are”. That remains valid and applicable to this scenario. Majority of us have been caught up in a crowd that we do not belong, many have crossed paths that they are not destined for, and many are where they are in life now because of the people they have encountered or still with.

This will be easier to relate with for people that attended one college or the other, remember your first week and month in the college, you were fresh from the grips of your parents and all innocent, what do you think later happened to you with all those excessive smoking, drinking, late nights, drugs and cultism? The crowd you found yourself made an impact on your life and you were not strong enough to resist it because it was new and exciting and your adrenaline pumping.

You became uncontrollable, wayward, rude and a horrible person that you were not. This is not who you wanted to be or the place you wanted to be but this is where you are as result of the crowd you kept.

The same thing is applicable to grown-ups. Many moved to the city to seek for greener pasture but life is not exactly as they had envisaged. A Pastor’s daughter now a pole dancer, Imam’s son is now an amateur fraudster – All these is leading nowhere but stagnancy because you will never be satisfied, you will always hope you can get out sometimes but that time has no fixed date. Whatever comfort or joy they bring is always temporary.

Therefore, select your friends and don’t get selected for friendship. If they don’t fit into your lifestyle then there is no point considering them for the bench at all. You might think they are just friends but whatever they do or however they act is having an impact on your life – of course, without your knowledge.

Living above your means – Many of us are guilty of this and it is shameful that we are leading the younger generation astray as they are looking up to us as role models, either from afar or next to us. There is nothing wrong to have desire for something that is beautiful and of a state of the art but not all desires must be realised. We live in a world where everyone wants to drive a Bentley, wear a Rolex, fly first class and own a palatial home but at what expense?

Imagine someone with a fixed salary of £1500.00 making a deposit for a Rolex? Why? For what? Who will believe the price anyway, knowing that you can’t afford it! A jobseeker that goes to the pub every day? “Oh I only had couple of pints” – No harm in having some relaxation and enjoying yourself but do it when you can afford it!

The other day, I saw a picture of my distant cousin with the latest Nigeria jersey that cost £70 and he went to watch the Nigeria friendly match at Wembley stadium, there is no way that outing wouldn’t have cost him an average of £200! You would say why not, it’s for him but here is the twist, he earns about £1000.00 a month, he has rent, gas, electricity, phone, transportation and food bills to pay! This is a clear example of misplaced priority.

It’s nice to have self-treat now and then but if you are on a low-income and eating out three times a day, oh well – calamity is on the way soon enough.

I will round this part up with another saying, “Cut your coat according to your cloth” – Any attempt to try and present a glamorous life is asking to get sucked into debt and depression.

Unhealthy Competition – Always looking over the fence, you want what someone else has. You are in a race to outshine others, always on the run to be the best by using the other person as a yardstick. Oh they got that then I have to get it too, they are going that way then I must go that way too. All these are unnecessary and extremely unhealthy; you are digging a hole so deep that you have no plan on how to get out of it when the inevitable happens and oh yes it would happen eventually.

Each and every one of us is with a designed natural path which is in alignment with our destiny, with zero need to copy each other’s path, some people’s path are designed in a way that they would be comfortable at the age of 20 to 30 and struggle in their 40’s till the end of time, whilst some would struggle like God hates them all their life till they are 40 and voila everything changes and they become comfortable with everything at their disposal.

The easiest way to be unhappy is to copy others and always wanting what others have. The only valid competition is that one you are having with yourself; nothing else is acceptable outside that zone. The time in China is never the same as that of Chicago; walk your path according to your time zone.

Avoid by all means, being jealous of others or desiring what is evidently out of your range. The timing might not be right for you. A delay is never a denial they say. Learn to ignore unnecessary and avoidable expenses. What you want and what you need are different, find a balance.

Unhealthy Lifestyle – This cut across various sectors of life, from bad eating habit, to not having the right sleep, using drugs, drinking excessively. Partying with no limit amongst others. Some of these can be an oversight or impossible to adjust to due to nature of work, that’s acceptable provided it’s not a permanent occurrence.

I have seen people drink all weekend, from Friday evening till late morning of Monday and blaming their stepmother for being late to work. A young lad that used his school fees to play betting and lost is evidently suffering from gambling addiction and high degree of stupidity with zero thing to do with his village people. There are many people traveling the world on their credit cards and loans, well – I am not sure what the plan is after the glam but someone is having bills to pay for years!

Embracing Drama - I am not sure if this is out of boredom or being stupid. Minding your business should be injected into the high school syllabus because as it is, people are growing up to think it is alright to put your nose in others’ business even when it has absolute nothing to do with you. Young teenagers are now struggling to pay for data to access the web just because of gossip stories on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. They start taking sides when their “idols” are “fighting”. These celebrities don’t have to say anything; their followers will fight dirty on their behalf. How does one explain a 17year old kid far away in Nigeria fighting on the web in support of Beyonce? I can’t relate in any way!

But here is the joke, Most of these celebrities are in business of drama, it is important to them to remain relevant and for that to happen, no news is bad news – they will do just about anything to trend which includes staging a “Fight”, the longer the drama, the better for them, they will go to interviews, they will perform at shows and clubs to diss each other and release mix tapes, the traffic to their social media pages will increase and of course that comes with income generated from adverts on the traffic – there is only one loser here, the followers!

They are entertainers for goodness sake; it’s easy to be forgotten in the industry with no drama or news. It is not your drama - do not embrace it!

You think mistakes are not okay - For you to hit the jackpot, you can’t avoid making mistakes. You will have to make series of mistakes with various challenges to get there. If it’s that easy we will all be comfortable. Every successful people you know have been through series of mistakes but unfortunately you can only see the successful story and not the process. Attempting or aiming to avoid mistakes is asking to remain on the same spot.

Imagine a scenario where a driver won’t go to work because of bad roads, hunger will teach him how to avoid potholes. You just have to keep trying with hope that one day, one effort would be all you need – Go on and make some mistakes, that’s your best lesson.

Feel free to try; it’s very fine and acceptable to make a mistake. See it this way – The one trying is a potential winner, if you are not in the race – then you stand no chance to win the race at all.

Lack of Self-Motivation - This is another factor that hinders ones progress in life, our attitude towards our own development is too low and we can do better, we are always too comfortable in our zone that any challenge would make us crawl back into that shell, no matter what people try to get you to do; the onus is always on you to do it. In your life, you are the most important person and the sole architect of your life; how you live it or make it is entirely up to you. You can take a horse to the river but making that horse drink water is up to that horse.

Possessing the urge and ability to make things happen for you would start from you believing that you are capable and you want that thing done, identify a reason why you should do it then chase it until it’s done. Anyone can give an advice but you will have to do the legwork. Give yourself that reason to get up and go after something. If you don’t, then something will come after you and that could be hunger, debt or poverty.

Avoiding Challenges - This is part of the developmental process and you can’t cheat your way around it, to have that thing then be prepared to go through series of these things. It is how the universe is designed; you can’t have it if you are not willing to sacrifice for it. Even those who have a relationship with God still have to sacrifice - fasting, praying and staying holy are their own sacrifice to God. Nothing is free in life; you will have to pay the rent to live comfortably on this planet. Avoiding challenges is avoiding your path and ultimately postponing your grace.

Live with it, accept it, it is your cross – there are no challenges without expiry dates. It shall pass by. Do not Passover your Glory and Grace over some avoidable challenges.

Zero Direction - Various people are just living for the sake of living without a path or a plan, it’s a case of one day at a time and whatever that happens, they have no clue where they are heading and no care about where they are going either. It’s a zombie movement.

For you not to get lost, it is essential to have your destination tattooed on your heart and aim to get there by all means necessary, it is okay to have detours, it is okay to ask for directions when lost, seek for help when required, if you have to get off your path temporarily to avoid a blocker then so be it but get back in lane as soon as possible.

More Prayers and Less Work – It is absolutely fine and okay to have faith and have a relationship with God but when you spend majority of your hours and days praying for what you desire, when exactly is the time to chase that desire? Worshipping God is amazing; it takes a lot of vices and immorality off your hands and keeps you holy while maintaining a clean lifestyle but that does not require all your time. The one that prayed for 10mins and head off to chase his daily bread and that one praying for hours seeking God’s favour, when exactly is that person ready to do the chase?

Find a balance between your religion and your life, bills must be paid, this life is like a hotel, your must pay your way through it, nothing in life is free beyond the life itself, anything else must be paid for and to have that economic ability then you possess that purchasing power, there is no short cut to it than to work for it. Pray but work harder, the prayer is to find the doors, but you will have to open those doors yourself.

Spending more time on social media than necessary - Usage of Internet for entertainment and gossip ONLY is destroying many us rather than building and developing us, the internet is the largest library on this planet, please use it to your advantage, it is the largest bank of data and information on this planet, send in the right query – self development should be the priority here, there is no harm in some entertainment but it shouldn’t be the sole motive of using the internet.

I cant process a student spending their scarce fund on subscribing to data access and only to use that data to bully people all over the web and trolling innocent people with zero interest to contribute to their own development in anyway. There is nothing you are looking for that is not on the Internet; you just need the right keyword.

Taking part in online drama is destroying your mentality and getting you involved in the web of lies and time wasting efforts without your knowledge, it is not your place to judge anyone, it is not your place to correct or call someone to order, if it’s not your business then don’t make it your business by plastering your nose in a business that’s not related to you in any form. Ignore, delete and block those horrible comments. It’s not yet a drama until you fuel it and empower it with a response. To have a bad day is to recognise those silly and annoying comments.

If you are never happy for others – For you to be celebrated then it is essential to be happy for others, if it’s difficult for you to be happy whenever you hear those good news about others then it would be hard for you to receive good news for yourself. The logic is simple here, good vibes attracts good vibes. Positive news are very contagious, your own happiness might find you while celebrating others.